


Compost

by jayjesus



Category: Kaiji (movieverse), Kaiji 2: Jinsei Dakkai Gêmu, 賭博黙示録カイジ | Tobaku Mokushiroku Kaiji | Ultimate Survivor Kaiji (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fix-It, Kaiji movie 2, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, bathroom sex but like in the 3am behind dennys and we have depression kinda way, fantasies, sad dick energy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 05:21:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21094067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayjesus/pseuds/jayjesus
Summary: Kaiji didn't think a couple of stray thoughts would ever come back to bite him in the ass, but after a chance meeting with an old foe he finds himself tangled in the stickiest kind of web.





	Compost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peppar](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=peppar).

> this is set in movieverse because someone has to represent all the gays who saw kaiji 2 and whose lives where changed when tonegawa just pulls out a boquet of flowers and asks kaiji to be his partner. 
> 
> other key changes include ichijou fucking spanking and kicking tonegawa, and him owning an entire lion. anyway.

Before Sakazaki, before the bog, before the whole ordeal, he’d hardly given it a passing thought. Why should he? He was having a hard enough time just living as is without the added baggage of some confused psycho-sexual sense of masochism. 

Except, that wasn’t really true.

Itou Kaiji was hardly a stranger to beating his meat, to the point where you could almost say it constituted something a hobby of his, if you wanted to be rude about it. His post-high school glory days had melted together into something of a miserable depression hotpot, and moving to the big city hadn’t quite been the change of pace he’d hoped for. Instead he had spent eight full years marinating in self-pity and loathing. You already know the story: Going to the grocery store, staring out the window, reading magazines, going to the pachinko parlor, eating chips and drinking beer, taking jobs, crunching antidepressants, buying new ones, spending what little money he got from his jobs on Testosterone and even more chips, and masturbating. Rinse and repeat for about a decade, and then add in a hellish freak money-lending company with yakuza ties.

Four fingers and an ear shorter (reattached with spit-balls and string) he didn’t really have the time or the inclination to jack it like he used to; often living in other people’s houses, in tents, or wherever else he could possible squeeze in. Still, the act of masturbation did put him to sleep like few other things when he was particularly anxious, so he sneaked in some sessions here and there anyway. In the dead of night trying to be quiet under a thin ratty blanket (holding his breath uncomfortably), he had to get a bit creative, but it wasn’t that much of a problem.  


He’d just imagine the usual things. Tonight, a faceless man, touching him, opening him, telling him all manners of stuff. 

Strong hands pushing him down, sometimes- he imagined lots of things- hard enough to almost hurt, but that’s how Kaiji wanted it right now, and so of course the man knew it. Kaiji would willingly spread his legs, easy like butter, and maybe, some nights, just one night or two- he would close his eyes and see a flash of grey. An awful toothy grin, like the mouth of a great white shark. 

His eyes snapped open then, and he became cold with alarm, but still grinded down his palm on himself, not even stopping the rhythm of his hips. It was fine. It was fine. Nobody had to know. 

Trembling by now, he tugged his shaggy shirt up and stuffed it in his mouth, bit down, and pretended it was a tie.

A powerful sense of shame stabbed at his chest, but not nearly as strong as the heat coiling in his gut, winding him tight, stringed like a violin in tandem with the throbbing of his clit and the quick jerks of his hand. He hissed and gasped, drool pooling under the cloth; and in his mind, a deep gravelly voice chuckled, a man leaning close to him, over him as he was fucking him halfway open, and whispering: “Good boy.”

When he woke up the next day, it was forgotten about, except for a lingering sense of uncleanliness. Whatever. He had more important things to worry about, after all, and made his way down the noisy morning street to find something, anything, to eat, letting the smoke from the cars fill his every sense. 

Months in Kaiji’s life just passed like that: alive, but not really living at all. Then one day, a chance meeting with another devil altogether. He was underground, and it was hell- it was hell, it was hell, it was hell.

And months later, air in his lungs, and leaves in his eyes.

Conditional, of course, but he still breathed. And he had to find a way out of said conditions fast. He scratched at the brand on his shoulder. 

More changes were yet to come to Itou Kaiji, but he could never in his life had predicted what they would entail.

On that cold day in late august, grey and wet, but still buzzing with the lingering excitement of a summer gone, he met him again. Oh, he’d never in his life expected to meet him ever in again. Had never wanted it, either.

Much less like this. The proud man was rolling around like an alleycat in between the garbage bags of the camp, drunkenly shouting at anyone and anything around him. Every passing person either pointedly ignored him, acting as if he was just another worm wiggling in a pool after the rain; looked away or walked around him- that or they just didn’t see the massive square of a man, didn’t pay him mind. 

Well, Kaiji did see him, it was impossible for him not to. Impossible not to notice Tonegawa Yukio; a man so remarkable and terrible, who even in this sorry state seemed in Kaiji’s mind to hold the same larger-than-life presence as always. How a man could preserve such dignity after seemingly sleeping in weeks-old clothes on a pile of household trash was a mystery to Kaiji, but when approaching him, Teiai’s former right hand was indeed as haughty and confrontational as ever. 

He spoke as usual, filled with riddles and venom, only more tired, and no longer above Kaiji. Decidedly beside him, Tonegawa’s feet were planted firmly on the ground, and he was almost leaning on Kaiji when they trudged their way to the food tent (though, Kaiji chalked this up to his state of dubious sobriety more than anything else).

They ate together, drinking soup opposite each other in a tiny corner-space, almost like old friends, and Kaiji felt strangely at peace; laughing, arguing just a bit. Even with that, even with Tonegawa’s exhausted face, burnt forehead and kinder fingers; the stale noodles still burnt Kaiji’s tongue, and Tonegawa Yukio still stole his money. 

Oh, he was a scorpion after all, Kaiji knew, of course he would let Kaiji drown even at the cost of his own life, like he had done before. 

It didn’t stop Kaiji from imagining fucking him that night, though, where he lay squeezed in the tiny makeshift tent. This time it was all Tonegawa, purposefully and decidedly. Gleefully, almost with a vengeance when he imagined finding Tonegawa again in some run down bar, surely he’d spent Kaiji’s money on drinking, surely- and by god, Kaiji would drag Tonegawa into the alleyway behind- wet and hard, and they would fight- Kaiji could kick him down to the concrete, he figured, sit on top of him, Tonegawa would punch him, and then it was vague. They’d both recognise a look of some sort in the other, he figured, and Kaiji would wrap himself around him like the snake Tonegawa saw him as. He’d bite a lot, drool and spit, and Tonegawa would lick it up, beg for it. 

He didn’t feel ashamed this time when he came, rather, he jerked himself off again, again, again and again until his hand cramped up and he practically fainted from exhaustion. 

Then, in a twist, they met again, and Tonegawa was on his knees being kicked by Ichijou, using him as a chair. Again, and there was an there was an actual goddamn lion. And again, with flowers this time; and now without a doubt their motives were so joined they couldn’t untangle. What a word, partners. As easy to say as it was to receive a bouquet. Not quite so easy to actually reflect and think about, Kaiji thought as he watched Tonegawa dig holes in the floor.

After a day of work, Sakazaki suggested going to the public bath together; him, Tonegawa and Kaiji.. Ishida Hiromi stayed at home, tweaking a Pachinko plate. Somewhat ironically, Tonegawa had rather taken a liking to the girl, helping her out with the machinery whenever he could. God knows what she thought of him, though. If she blamed Kaiji for her father’s death, Kaiji couldn’t imagine what christ-like patience was keeping her from strangling the orchestrator of the very event right then and there. Or well, more like the lead violinist, but his instrument was still made from people’s bones, ground up, re-painted and polished as they were.

Kaiji himself had a couple ideas of what he wanted to do to the man in question. With him, against him; he didn’t know what or how to feel anymore. He thought about a horrible burnt smell. He thought about a really specific shade of blue.

The three men were alone in the changing room, and Tonegawa was purple and green with bruises like flowers all over his body. Ichijou's doing, no doubt. Kaiji didn't feel any schadenfreude from it. Instead, he felt a nebulous sadness, almost too tired to feel angry. He yanked off his wet sock with a smack.

Sakazaki and Tonegawa had already finished showering by the time Kaiji made his way to the steamy bathroom with slapping steps, both sitting down by the tub and neither sparing him a look at first. Kaiji huffed, and at this noise, Tonegawa glanced up somewhere near Kaiji’s feet, then quickly averted his gaze. Kaiji felt annoyed, not really caring to figure out why. When he was done showering, he dropped down in the water beside Sakazaki, who was fiddling with the faucet. Kaiji yelped and jumped up soon as he made contact with the bottom of the tub.

“Too hot!”, Kaiji yeowled through the vapor, scratching at his stinging butt before sinking down again, hissing swears the whole way through, “it’s way fucking hot, what the hell!”

“That’s what you get bathing with old geezers”, Tonegawa drawled easily before stepping in, dropping his towel. Kaiji didn’t have the mind to look away until some seconds too late, his face feeling warm for reasons other than the bath. Tonegawa’s dick was just right, thought Kaiji, about average length (as far as Kaiji could tell) but very thick. His throat went dry. 

Tonegawa then somewhat shook Kaiji out of his mind-sludge by speaking, in that droning authoritative way of his: “Sakazaki-san. Stop adding hot water. Enough.”

“Aw, but Tonegawa-kun!” Sakazaki complained, and Tonegawa didn’t answer, just lowered himself into the water, his considerable weight making it spill a bit over the edges, hitting Kaiji with a small wave. Kaiji licked his teeth. He looked up at Tonegawa in front of him, whose hair was falling down the sides of his face now, shampoo ruining his slicked-back style. The look didn’t really fit him, but it sure made Kaiji feel something. He crossed his legs under the surface, trying to suppress a tell-tale pinching throb. 

“Thanks, man.” he said quietly. 

Tonegawa looked him over, but glanced away just as quickly, “Don’t mention it.” He scrubbed at his shoulder absently, just above his brand, and Kaiji touched his own. 

Sakazaki, looking between them from one man to the other and surely sensing the strange mood, started to make inane conversation with the both of them. He started by asking questions which neither Kaiji or Tonegawa really felt like answering about themselves, but soon switched to more generic topics which seemed to make Tonegawa relax somewhat, as he leaned his head on the wall and propped his arms up to rest on the edge. The move showed off his full, broad chest shining with the droplets of water caught in his coarse chest hair, and Kaiji couldn’t look away even if he’d wanted to. 

This was just Kaiji’s life now, he guessed, at least ‘till they won at Pachinko. They all walked home in the cold, and slept all four on the floor in their nasty futons.

They ate together too, of course they did, in their new-found commune lifestyle- Kaiji and Sakazaki clumsy and mannerless, Hiromi guarded with very precise bites, and Tonegawa the perfect picture of a gentleman, if only in Kaiji’s eyes. 

Kaiji caught his eyes once, as Tonegawa slowly bit off a piece of meat from a skewer- his sharp teeth slowly dragging the poor thing until it popped off, and he licked up the sauce that trickled from the side of his mouth. 

And Kaiji wanted him to fuck him over the table. 

Under such circumstances, it was hardly his fault he’d resorted to everything but humping his matress like a teenager. 

Tonegawa was handsome, yes, anyone could see, but to Kaiji he possessed a sort of unspeakable attraction that made it hard to breathe at times. It was unlikely that Tonegawa should feel the same way, yet how could so much static charge be generated from just one source? Could it really be all Kaiji? Tonegawa certainly evaded any innuendo like rubber, and Kaiji grew so frustrated he felt he was one look over dinner from pulling out his hair- hell, it wasn’t like it was marriage! He wasn’t even sure he really liked the guy! And surely, his offenses hadn’t evaporated, either.

No, the thing just was he just really, really, really wanted Tonegawa to fuck him. 

He was so big it Kaiji’s head hurt. He knew Tonegawa could easily shove him against the wall, bite him, pull his hair hard and tell him to shut up when he made too much noise. Stuff Kaiji’s mouth with his large fingers; tell him to suck them, and Kaiji would gladly, salivating wildly at the mere thought. 

Oh, but it was bad. He wasn’t even imagining anyone else anymore, didn't have room for plausible deniability. It was only Tonegawa’s rough, gorgeous hands Kaiji wanted, his voice in Kaiji’s ear, and oh, he could hear it. Could imagine it, reaching a fever pitch as he was wildly fucking himself with his fingers in the bath.

One day, they went to the pier, by the large boats and screaming gulls. Kaiji enthusiastically explained his plans for the bog, and Tonegawa came up with his own fiendish suggestions, appropriately nasty. There was something hysterical in revealing so much about how they thought to the other, Kaiji thought while he was gesticulating animatedly to show his plan. It was odd, knowing he’d already been in Tonegawa’s head once, and Tonegawa in his, but under circumstances so different it felt like it wasn’t them. Like they’d been completely different people. Maybe they were, Kaiji thought. 

Tonegawa said something Kaiji didn’t quite hear, and the wind was loud in his hair. The sea becomes him, Kaiji thought, and then Tonegawa leaned over, close, and picked a seagull feather from Kaiji’s wild bangs.

”Can’t have our champion looking anything but graceful…”, Tonegawa murmured, and Kaiji shivered.

”Sure have some work cut out for you, then”, Kaiji joked and ruffled his own hair.

Tonegawa laughed, rumbling and low, and a bit sad. Kaiji laughed with him, and without thinking, punched him on the shoulder. Tonegawa didn’t seem to mind, smiling and shaking his head. It was cold by now, and they decided to head home.

Walking between people through the main cobblestone street with all the excitement and speed of afternoon shopping around them, they felt strangely invisible and very slow. Kaiji looked at their reflection in the windows of the shops and restaurants they passed, together, in the midst of it all, and he was suddenly struck by a paranoia that he was walking in the wrong direction. He turned his head around then hurriedly gathered himself, of course he wasn’t. He glanced down at Tonegawa’s shoes beside him, their feet moving at the same time. Were they really so different from all the other people there? He felt he couldn’t relate at all to the small snippets of conversations he heard around him. It had nothing to do with him. Kaiji pondered on these things as they passed a small corner shop selling dumplings, and he eyed the display hungrily. The people from the inside didn’t spare him a glance, and he tried not to mind it. They kept walking through the simmering crowd, when Kaiji noticed neither hadn’t said anything in a while. He looked up to find Tonegawa was staring directly at him.

”Wait here.” Tonegawa announced suddenly.

”Wha-” Kaiji was left alone on the street, suddenly feeling very cold without the heat radiating from his friend. Friend? Were they? Kaiji’s cheeks were red, and he kicked at the ground nervously, rousing pebbles and dust.

He had grown proper restless bouncing his leg on a park bench before Tonegawa finally came jogging back with his right hand hidden in his parka, exhaling cold puffs of air.

”Couldn’t you wait to piss ‘til we’re home? it’s like ten minutes max”, Kaiji complained and stuffed his hands deep in his pockets.

”Are you always this polite?”, Tonegawa sighed and rolled his eyes (with a small smile, Kaiji noted), then extended a brown bag from inside his jacket towards Kaiji, ”here.”

Kaiji blinked, and Tonegawa rustled it open: it was a sloppily packaged little bunch of dumplings, steaming up at Kaiji with a wonderful, thick smell. His mouth dropped open with a small “oh”, and a huge truck of emotions hit him over the head so hard all he could convey was a choked squawk of : ”what the fuck.”

“I noticed you looking at them”, Tonegawa muttered awkwardly, nudging the bundle towards Kaiji and nodding his head once, ”here. I feel bad looking at you you’re so scrawny. And you’ll need the energy.”

”H… how… eh... ” Kaiji gasped, ”wait a minute, you bastard! is this with- with the cash you stole from me?”

”No”, Tonegawa said and grinned wryly, ”I bought those flowers with that, after all.”

Kaiji laughed then: ”What the hell?”, he exclaimed, but somehow, someway, it didn’t bother him in the slightest, ”but then… these…holy shit, you actually-”

”I worked with organized crime for fifteen years, Kaiji. I can’t understand why you’d think the law means anything to me. In any case they’re yours now. Yes, I stole them. Will you have them?” 

Kaiji just stared at him incredulously, and Tonegawa sighed and grabbed his hand, Tonegawa hot and dry against Kaiji’s cold and clammy.

Tonegawa’s palm was so rough, but kind of soft, and Kaiji was surprised somehow. He thought back to the grill-plate. He knew it was burnt. He had seen it happen. Now, he looked down through his lashes; Tonegawas fingers wrapped around his own that were scarred too, almost at the same time. Imagine. Then, he gently put the bundle in Kaijis hand, and leaned forward to whisper, ”but you better eat them quick so the shopkeeper doesn’t catch you.”

”Oh you-”, Kaiji exclaimed, but started laughing, and picked one up under Tonegawas admiring gaze to bite into it with gusto. It splurted with meat juice and was a hundred, a thousand times better than anything he’d had the last year. The tender meat under his teeth almost made him want to cry. 

”AGH!” he cried, ”this shit rules!”

”Glad you like it”, Tonegawa smiled as they walked down, making it past the bridge now, and Kaiji munching kind of noisily.

”Hey, how many are there?”, Kaiji asked, looking up at Tonegawa, ”we can split them up with the others.”

Tonegawa clenched his jaw, sheepish, ”Ah, uh, I didn’t think of that. I got them for you.” He scratched his chin, ”er- that is to say, of course you can split them with the others I don’t mind- I just, there’s only three though. One in every flavor.”

”Ah.”

”Uh, I think one is.. pork, right, then one is beef and the yellow one is curry for sure.” Tonegawa rambled.

Kaiji hummed, ”well, I’ll save the curry one for Ishida and eh, then and this one for Sakazaki-san.” He crumpled together the bag and put it in his jacket to keep it warm. Tonegawa’s eyes widened in mild surprise, then he shook his head. Kaiji glanced over at him, then down at the half-eaten bun in his own hands.

”We can split the rest of this one if you wanna.” He suggested and nudged Tonegawa with his elbow. Tonegawa stumbled a bit.

”Kaiji…”, Tonegawa said in a very odd tone of voice. Then he shook his head. ”Kaiji, keep it.”

”You sure?” 

Tonegawa looked almost pained, ”Kaiji, I….” he looked away, hands in his pockets, ”I’m sure. It’s for you.”

They said nothing more for the rest of the way home, walking in the cold while the dumpling sat warm and cosy in Kaiji’s stomach. They passed by so many people. All nice dressed; themselves, still in rags. They passed by a Mercedes-Benz. Kaiji wondered if Tonegawa had driven one of those. Maybe Kaiji had slashed his tires sometime. He doubted it. Didn't think Tonegawa was the type to mingle in his neighborhood. Then again, who knows. The handsome couples they passed made Kaiji feel some type of way, looking at a woman eating a taiyaki her girlfriend bought for her. 

Tonegawa glanced down at Kaiji, then, but didn’t say anything. Kaiji pretended not to notice. 

Back at the old damp flat, the stale stench of three grown men permeated the air like a poisonous gas(something Kaiji struggled to find anything but oddly comforting), and Hiromi was sitting fiddling with the machinery as usual. It was time soon. 

Kaiji announced himself with a knock and a worryingly half-joking ”I’m home”, walked up to her and handed her the curry bun, placing it on her cheek and looking down at her expectantly. She looked for a second like she was about to bite his finger off, but instead bowed and thanked, sinking her teeth into it. Sakazaki accepted too, excitedly moaning when eating it like Kaiji had, though he interjected quickly that this was nothing compared to the home-cooking of his beloved wife, and Mikoko, who Kaiji should definitely meet. Kaiji agreed tiredly, and said to thank Tonegawa- but when he turned around to point at the man, he was gone.

A strange transfiguration had been set in motion in Kaiji then, and he felt it more acutely by the day, the more time he spent with Tonegawa. 

Suddenly, when he thought about it- and these days, it could enter his mind even in daytime, even just eating half-burnt rice for breakfast with together; he would think about sex with Tonegawa, and it wasn’t even weird, dark and kind of spitefully horny fantasies of being pulled down by the hair anymore. Of choking on a bubbling mix of Tonegawa’s hot cum and his own spit behind some dumpsters, no- now, he closed his eyes in the bathroom( he could hardly do it in the bedroom they all slept in), and thought about kindness. 

He fantasized there, thought of gently being laid on a bed by rough hands, rough but always soft to him - feather light kisses all over his body until he trembled, and Tonegawa smiling at him all the way through it; spreading his pussy open with only his broad tongue and eating Kaiji out reverently, slowly, sweetly until Kaiji cried from the feeling of it, and oh, Kaiji knew he was in trouble. 

Whenever Tonegawa picked up kitchenware, a pen, scratched his neck, did anything really, Kaiji would imagine those thick fingers inside him. 

Picturing them rough, hard, opening him up and pinching him had already been enough to make Kaiji weak in the knees; this new sudden excitement, imagining them gentle, scissoring him with sweet patience, telling him how good he was, how perfect, was too much to handle altogether, and Kaiji often had to excuse himself, flustered, thinking about Tonegawas solid presence over him like a comfort blanket: he was beautiful, and he wouldn’t leave, Kaiji somehow knew.

One night they had gone out to smoke. Hiromi refused to deal with their so-called chimney ass behavior inside, already fed up with the cloying stench building in the flat. Kaiji couldn’t possibly imagine he’d contributed in any positive manner to the atmosphere of the house with his erratic hour-long sweaty masturbatory sessions in the bathroom, but hey, at least he’d tried to keep the window open.

They couldn’t see any stars above them because of the city smog, but it was fine. Kaiji was half grateful, feeling just being alone with Tonegawa like this was difficult enough to handle anyway without soft lights. He tapped away coal from his cig and nervously picked at a nail. Just to ask something, he asked Tonegawa what he was planning to do, once this was all over. 

Tonegawa blew out smoke, and it ringled up into the air to join the rest of the black pollution, ”Well, find a place to live.”

”What then.”

”I don’t know”, he stumped the cigarette on the fence, which Kaiji couldn’t possibly imagine Sakazaki’s wife would approve of, ”it’s not like I can work a regular job any more. The chairman made sure of that.”

Even with these words, under the black void of the city sky, he didn’t look too upset about it. Resigned, maybe. Kaiji couldn’t get a proper grip on him. He followed suit and trampled his own cigarette under his sneaker.

”I guess I should welcome you to the neet lifestyle?” Kaiji joked. It was a bit too daring, and Kaiji half expected Tonegawa to bite his ear off, but the man just laughed, earthy and deep:

”I guess you should”, he said, ”studying doesn’t sound so bad, though. If you’re not too old for it.”

”Ha-”, Kaiji stuttered, but recovered quickly, crossing his arms over his chest, ”welcome, then.” And he smacked Tonegawa’s back, his hand dangerously remaining there.

”Is that all I get for my efforts?”, Tonegawa mused, his eyes twinkling. 

”Hm”, Kaiji grinned, full of false bravado, ”wait till we win for anything else, big boy.”

Tonegawa stared at him, but just shook his head in a decidedly exasperated fashion.

Far from trouble now, Kaiji knew he was in deep shark-infested oceans when the dreams and fantasies weren’t even being necessarily erotic anymore

Hiromi was going through the plan again on a heavily abused chalkboard, and Kaiji, feeling like a schoolboy again on that run-down sofa, glanced up from his notes to Tonegawa, who was listening with rapt attention, which made Kaiji feel immeasurably stupid. Oh, but he couldn’t help it. He looked out of the window, and thought of Tonegawa and him walking through the city park. Calm again, with worries, but sharing them. Carrying each other with each step. Neither of them had a job yet but they knew as long as they were together, they’d find a way forward, stumbling and bright. 

When dreamt that night, he dreamt of Tonegawa gently taking Kaiji’s hand and pressing it to his own face, of him brushing Kaiji’s hair out of his face with his burnt hands before kissing him on the lips so sweet it made Kaiji’s toes curl, and oh, he told Kaiji; Tonegawa told him he loved him he loved him. He loved him, and Kaiji woke up almost crying, so close to telling him that he also-

”Fuck”, he rasped, ”fuck, fuck, fuck.”

”Good morning Kaiji-kun”, Sakazaki called out for him as he stomped a beeline to the bathroom to gather himself a little. Hiromi yelled at him when he stepped over her sketches.

”Tonegawa-kun made breakfast-”, Sakazaki started.

”T-tell him I’m not feeling well!” Kaiji shouted and slammed the door.

When he got out, after a shower and composing himself, he shook his head. It was fine. He’d had worse crushes. Probably. He was drawing a blank at who exactly could ever possibly even hypothetically constitute a worse candidate, but-

”Kaiji.”

Kaiji stiffened, hearing Tonegawa’s low baritone. Even in this time of crisis, though, he couldn’t help but finding it pleasant. Like warm milk. He looked back, putting his hands in his pockets and hunching over. Tonegawa had his hands on his hips, wearing the same old flowery shirt, but a yellow apron over it this time. Kaiji’s heart nearly stopped, and it took a while before he could speak:

”We’re… uh, doing it tomorrow, right”, he pushed out weakly.

”Right”, Tonegawa confirmed, then produced a small tray, ”Here.”

Kaiji just stared down at it.

”I don’t know if you like natto”, Tonegawa confessed, ”but it’s very nutritious, especially along with some eggs, er, so there’s two- in there. I put extra protein in the soup, too, er… some more yams. You’re going to need it. It’s your show, Kaiji.”

”W…”, Kaiji coughed, his face red. truthfully, like most foods, he neither liked or disliked natto, but hadn’t eaten it since he moved out. Hadn’t eaten any kind of breakfast, really, except plain rice or a convenience store bread. 

He thought if his mom, alone at home without him calling for so long. He thought about his sister. 

He looked at Tonegawa’s hands, at his wrinkled red-scarred palms and then at his forehead, equally gnarly. He thought about Tonegawa sneaking up early to steal food from the supermarket, just to make this meal. Finally he looked at Tonegawa’s handsome face; his powerful jaw clenched shut, and trembling a bit. He was scared. Kaiji was too.

Wordlessly, Kaiji took the tray from him and and joined Hiromi on the couch. Tears were just running down his cheeks now and he had no way to stop them. Hiromi didn’t comment. He rubbed quickly at his face so they wouldn’t get mixed with his natto-eggs.

”Thank you”, he croaked meekly. 

Tonegawa nodded, rubbing at his eye as well- but Kaiji couldn’t linger on that too long before Sakazaki came in, and Tonegawa quickly switched tone of voice, ”Right.” he said, ”let’s get this show going.”

And boy, did they ever put on a show. They won, they won over that infinite pit of despair. The bog spat out its iron blood at them, and they all hugged and screamed in a pool of its guts that had eaten so many others. 

First a group hug, sweaty, ecstatic, then Kaiji hugged Sakazaki- jolly and tight; then Hiromi, bone-crushingly hard, both of them starting to cry; then last Tonegawa. 

At first there was an awkward moment where they just stared at each other before Kaiji pulled him close by the neck, and Tonegawa buried his nose by Kaijis ear- he was so warm, and he smelled so good. Tonegawa’s breath was wet on the skin of his neck and he felt like putty, melting in Tonegawas arms. How wonderful it would be, if they could melt into one. If their ribs could somehow make a braid. 

”You’re mad. you’re mad, Kaiji”, he gasped hotly in Kaijis ear, Kaiji laughed and cried at the same time, and they swayed together.

”You’re incredible.” Tonegawa whispered, ”Itou Kaiji.”

You too, Kaiji wanted to say when they finally pulled apart, but Sakazaki was patting his back, and Ichijou screaming, and Tonegawa seemed so far away suddenly. Kaiji was seized by a cold premonition, and tried grabbing Tonegawa’s hand, who snaked his fingers away. Tonegawa didn’t look him in the eye, and then, somewhere in the chaos, he was gone. And Kaiji was left just thinking, ”is this how it ends?” 

Tonegawa did show up at the flat again, but he was different, somehow. There was another shine to his eyes where he refused to meet Kaiji’s, another conviction in his tone of voice when he challenged him to one last game. But their hearts still beat, Kaiji felt it. He felt Tonegawa’s pulse in the home-made E-cards, but didn’t feel it when their fingers brushed over the 5000-yen bill. 

Then, this strange spectre vanished, and Kaiji was left none the wiser. 

Sakazaki was still ecstatic, calling up his wife. Hiromi, god knows where she went, sometimes came over to the residence to eat, hitting it off with Sakazaki’s daughter almost instantly. Kaiji had lived debt-free for two weeks now, free of the threat underground but still feeling trapped in something. Most days he spent again, eating, reading comics or going down the pachinko parlor. He wasn’t jacking off as a habit, though, and if he dreamt, he dreamt of a tiny house, in the middle of nowhere, and he lived there in peace, and Tonegawa was beside him.

Being a regular at the parlor by now, he would be embarrassed if he had the mind to. He knew he could win, though. He just knew it. And he’d be out. He could live again.

Mikoko looked at him sadly when, as always, he came back with nothing, asking her for money to eat. She obliged. Kaiji didn’t want to die at all, but by god- he really wanted to live. He wiped his nose and walked home empty-handed again, passing some garbage bags and kicking them violently. A cat gave a yell somewhere far away.

”Thought you’d left those habits behind you, Itou Kaiji.” 

The voice was quiet, hushed enough that you might not even have heard it, if you hadn’t waiting to hear it for weeks.

Kaiji thought his heart was going to pop like a bubble.

He snapped around, and yes, he saw him- in the flesh- looking like he always had- horrible, excellent, terrifying, beautiful. He was holding on to a duffel bag and had the same shaggy clothes as when Kaiji had last seen him, all those weeks ago. His hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in weeks. Tonegawa Yukio.

”’Hullo”, he said very hoarsely, as if he hadn’t used his voice in as much time.

”Tone-”, Kaiji coughed, stumbling over his feet thanks to the violent spinning of his head, ”Tonegawa?!”

Tonegawa looked down, ”you shouldn’t look so happy to see me”, he muttered. 

”Why not?” Kaiji blurted without thinking, making him instantly embarrassed. Stupid. He was too eager. He was acting a fool. He put his hands in his pockets. God, it was icy out. 

Tonegawa half-smiled at that, ”I have something that’s yours” he said, then tilted his head up to the sky and squinted, tiredly adding: ”you feel like going for a drink? For old times’ sake. We can talk more inside.”

Kaiji accepted, and followed Tonegawa’s lead through the street. The cold stung at his legs, and not even the hasty rubbing together of his jeans each hasty step could keep him from feeling it in his bones. He noticed as they made their way that even as Tonegawa still didn’t meet his eye, his presence was solid and real- he didn’t have that fleeting quality of before, mercury and unreachable, but was instead close enough for Kaiji to almost hear the man’s steady heartbeat. 

They entered a bar; the first one they came across, really; with incredibly cheap white plastic tables, tile floor, ugly printed menus and obnoxiously lit. Tonegawa forgot to take his jacket off until Kaiji pointed it out, removing it like a huge chore and then carding a hand through his dirty hair. The employees were hustling noisily in the kitchen, cluttering with dishes and not taking notice to them.

Kaiji mumbled that he was going to get them drinks, and Tonegawa didn’t answer. 

When Kaiji came back, clumsily balancing the glasses of beer on his hands and forearms. Tonegawa hadn’t moved at all, but was glaring daggers at the table like he was trying to burn a hole in it. Kaiji put the glasses down opposite Tonegawa, a bit more forcefully than strictly needed, causing the foam to bubble over onto Tonegawa’s hand. This actually made him flinch, properly looking at Kaiji for the first time that evening- prompting Kaiji to hurriedly cover his face with a tall glass of his own and downing the beer like a starved man without really tasting it, all to avoid the sudden intimacy of Tonegawa’s open face.

The white-yellow lights shone hot on them both, and the smell of the kitchen frier and stale oil made it almost hard to breathe. Kaiji looked at the wall clock. 

Stale air grew progressively thicker until it was suffocating. Trying to ignore the cement between them, Kaiji inhaled his entire glass of beer in silence before awkwardly getting up to fetch another; Tonegawa did nothing but listlessly stare at his. As Kaiji was just about to leave for the bar, Tonegawa finally looked up, his expression determined. 

“Kaiji”, he said, “there’s a… a reason. That I came back.”

Kaiji’s up too, his heart skipping a beat. 

“A very concrete reason”, Tonegawa went on, tapping his glass and licking his lips once, averting his gaze, “I… I’ll get out of your hair permanently, after. I promise.”

Kaiji was about to protest, but Tonegawa held out his hand and shook his head. He shrugged off his duffel-bag, putting it on the table and discreetly zipped it up slowly, revealing in its entrails wads and wads of hard cash. Casino cash. Kaiji’s casino cash, unburnt. 

Kaiji’s head froze. His throat hurt. 

”You- Tonegawa you-”

He looked up at Kaiji with an expression Kaiji couldn’t decipher, ”I told you you shouldn’t be happy to see me.” 

”You- you fucking bastard!” Kaiji yelled and jumped out so sudden he smashed his head in the overhead lamp, he whined and rubbed his head, ”you just- just- mother fucker…”

Tonegawa looked just like he had before stepping on the grill: ”Yeah. I am”, he mumbled and looked up at Kaiji, ”but this is yours. I don’t know why, I…” he got up on unsteady feet and tried to light a cigarette, but his hands fumbled wildly with the lighter until he dropped it with a clang, ”shit. Ah. I don’t… I don’t know. Kaiji. This is yours, either way. Make of it what you will.”

Kaiji wasn’t even looking at the money any more, ”you’re just gonna vanish into thin air again? What did you say, get out of my hair?”

”Yeah”, Tonegawa confirmed, hands in his pockets. Kaiji could see them shake, “Only booked room for one night, just over the street. Then poof. You can live free after tonight.”

”I looked for you, you know. I had no goddamned idea where you’d gone. And you were, what? Lounging around with my fucking money? Keeping it warm for me, were you? And me just not knowing where the fuck you’d gone.”

”No, that was the plan,” Tonegawa sighed and leaned against the white ugly wall, ”I’m sorry for deceiving you, Kaiji.”

”Sorry! don’t even say that, you… oh, I oughta…” Kaiji growled and made his way to Tonegawa, fisting his hands in Tonegawas worn plaid shirt, pushing him up. 

”Yes”, Tonegawa breathed, squeezing his eyes shut, ”you oughta.”

Kaiji hugged him.

He pulled him down to him, as close as he could, raggedly breathing in his ear, pressing his face so close to Tonegawa's shoulder it hurt.

”I don’t get you!” Kaiji choked out, ”what are you trying to do. I wanna be angry at you, I want to be so fucking angry, but I don’t get you. What are you doing, man.”

”I don’t know”, Tonegawa said quietly. His shoulders shook along with his voice, ”I don’t know, Kaiji- I… I was just, driving. Don’t know where.”

”Where will you go next, then”, Kaiji mumbled, squeezing Tonegawa tighter. 

Tonegawa didn’t answer, and Kaiji felt a wave of anguish again, his voice broke when he gasped: ”why can’t you just…”

”Kaiji”, Tonegawa rasped suddenly, gravely, ”if… if you want me to, I’d…”

He broke free and looked at Kaiji, brushing a strand of hair from Kaiji’s face. Tonegawa looked very young all of a sudden, afraid. His gaze was wild, darting off in all manner of directions. 

”If you just asked me...”, Tonegawa started, trailing off. His fingers brushed Kaiji’s cheek, who just stared at him without saying anything. Tonegawa clenched his mouth tight and glanced away. Kaiji huffed.

”Please take your money already”, Tonegawa joked weakly, previous train of thought seemingly banished by force, ”can’t handle seeing a supposedly rich man dressed in rags.”

”Goddamn right it’s mine, you son of a bitch”, Kaiji sniffled. Tonegawa looked relieved and untangled from Kaiji properly, making his way back to the seat, but was hastily stopped by Kaiji grabbed his shoulder and spinning him around. Tonegawa’s mouth dropped open.

”Fuck it, dude, just come back here and give me a-”

Kaiji was silenced by a face smashed clumsily against his, a sweaty forehead and wet cheeks against his own, broad nostrils breathing hot air against his own- and most damningly, plump lips pressed tight, tight against his. Tonegawas eyes were firmly shut, grabbing Kaiji’s face tightly, before giving a high moan and breaking the kiss. 

”Kaiji”, Tonegawa exhaled, lips shining with spit. Kaiji’s spit. Kaiji stared at him. Just stared. 

”I, I meant-I meant a hug...”, Kaiji whispered sluggishly, and Tonegawa flinched. Kaiji grabbed at him before he had a chance to bolt again, ”No! I’m not complaining, that is…”

Hand shaky on Tonegawa’s forearm, he slid his fingers lower, lower, feeling the goosebumps spreading on Tonegawa’s skin till he was palm to palm with him. He looked up, and laced their fingers together, nodding and licking his lips.

Tonegawa nodded back and obliged wordlessly, kissing Kaiji. Soft at first; flirting just a bit with his cushion-soft tongue against Kaiji’s wet lips; but when Kaiji pulled his hair, he growled, and Kaiji bit him, licked at him. 

They broke apart, still glued to each other, both their faces red. Kaiji chuckled, after a while. 

”You like-like me, Tonegawa?”, he teased, trying to make his tone sound light and teasing as opposed to absolutely frozen in a heart-stopping anxiety- but not being able to mask the nervous trembling quality which washed over him. He didn’t want to know. It was alright if Tonegawa just wanted him for kissing, for sex, anything, and didn’t like him. He would give Tonegawa the best he’d ever had, and Tonegawa didn’t even have to know how much of his heart Kaiji would pour into it. It was fine, as long as he was there.

Tonegawa looked about to open his mouth, so Kaiji kissed him again before he could answer, Tonegawa carding his hand deeper into Kaiji’s hair, and pulling his knee up between Kaiji’s legs for him to rest on. Kaiji, sighing and biting at Tonegawa’s lips now, dragged Tonegawa in deeper into the establishment, locking themselves in the aching-yellow bathroom. He shoved Tonegawa down on the toilet, making the other man look up at him in awe. 

Kaiji grinned and shrugged off his jacket, then his shirt. Tonegawa had already seen him naked. There was nothing to be afraid of. But still, he was. He pressed himself against Tonegawa’s chest and kissed him sloppy till they were both dizzy, panting, blindly grinding against each other. He hadn’t realised he was drunk before now, the bathroom light stinging his eyes a bit. Tonegawa’s hand was in his pants. Tonegawa wasn’t saying anything. Tonegawa wasn’t saying anything.

Kaiji bit down on his neck, putting Tonegawa’s hands on his hairy tits, “you can touch them, if you want. Play around. I like it”, he whispered in his ear, almost begging. Tonegawa was still at first, but eventually began gently massaging them, then kissing Kaiji’s brown nipples with the same feverish devotion he’d shown his lips, biting and sucking just how Kaiji liked. Still, Kaiji didn’t feel warm, not exactly. Only the sickly kind of warmth you know you ought be feeling when you have a fever because you’re sweating, but no matter however many blankets you put on top your stomach’s still cold. 

They didn’t speak more after that. Kaiji wanted to. He wanted to tell him how good he was, how much he wanted this, but the words got stuck somewhere between his aching throat and Tonegawa’s glistening eyes. Still, they kept at it like they were playing some fucked-up game of gay chicken. Kaiji biting Tonegawa’s shoulder, humping against his stomach, pulling down his zipper almost clinically by now. Tonegawa nodded, kissing Kaiji again, and they didn’t speak. Kaiji’s mind spun. Tonegawa was inside him, big. It didn’t hurt. It felt good, Kaiji’s lips warm, wet and velvety, enveloping him. Tonegawa was hot, and he was so close, he couldn’t possibly be closer in fact, but Kaiji couldn’t see him there. They didn’t speak. 

Neither of them said anything, looking away as Tonegawa’s dick pushed and pulled out of Kaiji in a precise rhythm, the only sound being Kaiji’s whines and the erratic meaty slaps from Kaiji’s butt against Tonegawa’s fat thighs. His shirt rubbed and almost burned at Kaiji’s nipples. 

Tonegawa was very good at it, all of it. If Kaiji put his hands on his stomach, he knew he would feel the hardness of Tonegawa inside him. Tonegawa, who, ever the gentleman, was reverently rubbing, grinding and circling at Kaiji’s clit, spitting at his finger to make it even wetter, keeping at it until Kaiji finally came once with a gasp and a shudder, then again, and a third time, keeping it up until Tonegawa came as well rather unceremoniously, barely even making a grunt before stilling his hips, filling Kaiji and draining him at the same time. 

They sat like that for a while. Kaiji caught his breath, dragging his hands over his face. He wanted, waited for Tonegawa to hold him, but the man only absently stared down at some spot on the floor. Maybe a piss-stain. Maybe a cockroach. Kaiji could cry. He wanted him to hold him. He wanted to be held. Why couldn’t he say it.

His mind spun and spun until he finally couldn’t stand the ache, so he got up and put on his clothes. Pulling up his boxers on trembling legs, he feeling horrifyingly sober. It felt like someone else doing his belt buckle. It felt like someone else not looking at Tonegawa. 

Finally, Kaiji dared one last glance at him, and gave a tiny wave when he opened the door. His throat was sandpaper: 

“...Well I’m”, he choked, went on, “I’m going home with my share, then. I Guess uh. Good-bye. Thanks for giving it back.”

Tonegawa nodded, but otherwise didn’t look like he’d paid him any mind, staring down. His pants weren’t even zipped up, slimy pink dick hanging out limp like some kind of animal carcass.

Kaiji walked the entire chilly way home, feeling the pulse of Tonegawa’s semen trickle like snot from his boxers down his leg. Hot, then dreadfully cold. 

What could he say, after that. 

It felt cheap. He felt cheap. It was what he wanted, he thought hysterically. He thought maybe, maybe it would get better, if they fucked. Maybe this dreadful tension would be eased. Maybe he could forget him, move on.

But it wasn’t what Kaiji wanted, it wasn’t what he had wanted at all. He wanted Tonegawa to stay, was that really so hard to say? He slumped down on his guest bed and looked over at the bag of money, held it close to his chest and sniffed. He cried a little. It was so fucking dumb. Tonegawa was probably relieved he didn’t have to see him again. Given him a pity fuck as a present good-bye. 

Oh, and Kaiji couldn’t sleep. It was three am, he went for a glass of water. He hunched over a chair in Sakazaki’s tiny kitchen, and here, alone, with his hands in hair and the noise of the clock mocking him, he could admit he was an idiot. That maybe he’d ruined it. It could’ve been good, Tonegawa waking him with a gentle kiss to his neck, every morning, every day hugging, touching, standing next to him. Reading together, walking together. Doing dishes. Going to the grocery store. No, it’s Kaiji who made it into a cheap thing, the only way he knows how. Tonegawa never did.

Tonegawa never did, and Kaiji blinked.

Tonegawa never had, not really. 

Like a man possessed, he got up from the kitchen, pissed, changed his underwear, put on a new shirt, his old jacket, and walked outside.

He’d only done what Kaiji asked. All he had done was kiss him, on his own.

Kaiji walked fast, almost jogging, sneakers smacking the hard pavement. He walked in the knife-sharp cold, lungs almost hurting, before finally, finally ending up outside a tall building. He tugged on the door. 

It was closed. Of course it was closed. 

”Fuck!” He hissed and kicked at it, hurting his foot even through his sneaker. He hunched over on the pavement and felt bad for himself for a little before jumping up again with fresh determination.

He held his breath and called the door-bell, shuddering in the night ice. A lady answered.

”I want to s-speak”, Kaiji spat in the cold, ”w-with Tonegawa. Uh, Tonegawa Yukio. He’s a guest here. He uh, told me. I know him. I’m… his friend.”

”Sir, I can’t let you to a person’s intercom without stated permission. Nor can I divulge names of our guests”, she sounded tired. 

”Okay”, Kaiji said, ”can I… can I come into the lobby and wait for him, then?”

”No. Good night.”, She said sharply, and hung up. He sniffed. 

He thought about going home, maybe. Coming back in the morning. But he had no idea when Tonegawa would check out of the hotel, or when it even opened in the first place, and he knew if Tonegawa slithered away from him now, then he really wouldn’t come back again, keeping his promise.

So, Kaiji stayed in the cold.

Freezing minutes melted into freezing hours, and eventually, through small in-place jogs, planning what to say and small word-games with himself, it was five-thirty in the morning, and the hotel opened, by which time Kaiji was way past indifferent to the pinching of ice, and could temperature-wise be considered legally deceased. He’d had sat outside so long on the elevated steps his ass was absolutely numb and stuck to the cement, but still he went on sitting, praying to god he wouldn’t get some ridiculously karmic urinary infection. 

He had already lit his last cigarette hours ago, but it was cool. He had this planned, though lamented not bringing a pen or paper, writing down his erratic thoughts into something resembling an actual proper speech. It’s what Tonegawa deserved. 

People had started to exit the hotel. one after another, Kaiji not daring to look back at them till they were right in front of him. He felt motion-sick. What if Tonegawa had already left the night before. What if he’d just vanished.

But as soon as he thought it, at last, at long last, the door creaked open again, and Kaiji heard a bag clatter to the ground. He instinctively looked back, and saw him.

Tonegawa’s eyes were red and shiny, and his hair wild. He looked about how Kaiji felt.

”Hiya”, Kaiji croaked. 

”Kaiji”, Tonegawa inhaled. 

Neither said anything, and Kaiji could see how tense Tonegawa’s broad shoulders were. Kaiji took a deep breath.

”I’m sorry about...”, he said, “well…”

Tonegawa at this looked even more bewildered, then quickly shrugged away, adjusting his parka with red cheeks, ”Of course. Don’t be sorry. Never happened. I told you anyway, you won’t have to see me around ever again.”

”No…” Kaiji cringed, ”That’s not- Tonegawa, I- wait.”

Tonegawa looked at him. Kaiji ran a hand through his hair.

”I… wanna do this properly”, he rubbed his eyes, sleepy, ”if possible. I’d like for it to happen, uh, more, rather. I don’t… ”

Tonegawa looked pained, ”like... fuck buddies?” The word sounded horrible out of his mouth, “Is that what you want?” He paused and squinted, ”...Kaiji, you look- how long have you been standing out here?” 

”A while”, Kaiji admitted, ”Look it’s not important- uh.”

“You should get inside-”

“Just!”, Kaiji interrupted, “just hear me out, please. If you- if you want we can do… that, but-”, Kaiji stopped himself there. Properly. Do it properly, like he deserves. If Tonegawa rejected him like that, it was fine. But damn it if he was going to let him go again without even asking out loud, “No… not that. I was thinking more in the lines of… maybe… you’d wanna… go to dinner. Just hang out, y’know I… Fuck, I’m really bad at this.”

He laughed, and Tonegawa took a step closer to him, frowning.

“I don’t”, Kaiji blurted, “I really… I really don’t want you to leave. If you want to of course I’m not gonna stop you or anything. I won’t, obviously but… but I really… I’ve missed you like crazy.”

The air was cold between them, but Kaiji could feel Tonegawa again. His body was warm, Kaiji knew. He soldiered on, his vision blurry at the edges by now. Tonegawa had drawn a cigarette between his fingers, almost limp.

”This whole past month I’ve been thinking, eh, really I was thinking of it before, but….”, he took a deep breath, ”I really like you and I would like to maybe date. Be… together.”

Tonegawa dropped his cigarette, and jaw with it. Kaiji closed his eyes.

”I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, obviously we just... and that nice but...” Kaiji trailed off, feeling tears form in his eyes, ”aw fuck. uhh.”

He let the water fall down his cheeks, hot. In for a penny, in for a pound. It was like in the bog. Just keep betting higher. If he ended up underground, only time would tell, and Kaiji was nothing if not a gambler.

”I want to live with you again”, Kaiji sighed, shaky, too much like a sob, ”I don’t- I don’t mean we should move in now, right now I just. Want. And again, if you really want to… I don’t want to stop you. But I… I want to be where you are. Like this, like friends or like however you want but… I… I really. just wanna. you know. just like before but. Maybe. Hold… your hand, maybe. Kiss and…. well.” Kaiji laughed wetly, ”Maybe I did it in all the wrong order. upside-down. I don’t know. I just… when we lived there. I was really happy and. I think maybe you were too and I just. I just had to tell you. I really just want to be with you.”

There it was.

Guests were exiting the hotel left and right of them, treating them like they were garden decorations where they stood frozen in place. Tonegawa was silent as the grave, but Kaiji heard his breath hitch at last, and looked up; he looked like he’d been pierced by a lance, his lips trembling.

”Kaiji”, he choked out under Kaiji’s gaze, at last. His handsome face was scrunched together, and his teeth were clenched. It looked like it hurt, ”Kaiji, I. I don’t want to leave-of course I don’t-”

Kaiji looked at him, and Tonegawa took a staggering step forward. Kaiji steeled himself.

”Kaiji”, Tonegawa whispered, ”my Kaiji.”

Kaiji could’ve screamed. As was, he was a statue, heart beating wildly. Tonegawa put a hand on his cheek, and he leaned into it. Tonegawa whispered again: “C-can I hold you?”

Kaiji nodded miserably, and Tonegawa helped him again, just like he’d done the bog, he gently pulled him close, letting Kaiji rest his head under his, stroking his hair easily, and oh Kaiji loved him. He loved him.

”Kaiji”, he sighed, nuzzling his nose in Kaiji’s locks, ”can I kiss you?” his breath hot.

Kaiji nodded again, tilting his head up. Tonegawa gently, slowly put a hand on his jaw, and he was preparing himself, Kaiji could see, but Kaiji, for all his wit, was not born a patient man, and pulled Tonegawa down- sticky like toffee when he pressed their lips together, soft. Tonegawa was a flower, a beast, unfurling with him until Kaiji could see his skeleton, the mist finally gone. His stingers were bare, and Kaiji held them. It didn’t hurt, but Kaiji’s chest was so full it just almost ached a bit. 

Tonegawa opened Kaiji’s mouth, dipped him low, and kissed him sweet, sweet and Kaiji carded his hands through his greasy hair, sighing happily. They parted, and Tonegawa put a last small kiss on Kaiji with his tender lips, who laughed, ”No more, not now”, Kaiji said, ”I don’t want- like before-”

”Not like before”, Tonegawa shook his head, ”Never. oh, Kaiji”, He sighed and dropped his face into the crook of Kaiji’s neck. His shoulders shook, and Kaiji knew he was crying even before he felt the wetness on his shoulder, ”Kaiji.” 

”...Yukio”, Kaiji dared, teasing at the grey hair on his temples, and Tonegawa looked up at him with a start, ”Yuki.”

Tonegawa grinned like the sun, hugged Kaiji bone-crushing and tight, and spun him around. Kaiji shrieked, and Tonegawa laughed and laughed until they dropped on the ground, and it was so silly. They lay down and held each other on the small patch of grass outside, like worms wriggling in the dirt, intertwining their little worm bodies together. No one took notice of them, again, people just walking by. No one saw them, but they didn’t couldn’t have minded less, their eight worm hearts beating in tandem, merging, holding onto each other, and melting into the compost together.

**Author's Note:**

> WELL i hope anyone(who would ever read this?) at least found enjoyment outta this. and if nobody except me and my friends did, i'm still happy for my friends. I LOVE U GUYS!!!!!!!!!!! if you read it and like it ur more than welcome to lemme know. i'm NOT a guy to write so if it reads like a boring academic text... well........................................


End file.
